You're in my Veins
by Tadpole24
Summary: Everything will change, nothing stays the same. Post Always fic.


_**There's going to be a million of these. But what kind of fangirl would I be if I didn't join in?**_

_**I can't even compare to the amazingness of 'Always', but I hoped I could add to it somehow. Thank you to JMHaughey for the quick beta job :) Absolutely legendary. **_

_**Disclaimer: If I could even claim one second of 'Always' as my own I'd hire a skywriter to let everyone know. I don't own it folks, but at the moment, I'm kinda happy to just bask in the bliss of it all.**_

_**Enjoy.**_

_..:::.._

_You're in my Veins_

_..:::.._

_Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.__  
_— Joseph Campbell

..:::..

It's like she knows…the second her body flies over the edge of that building, she knows where she is supposed to be, she knows what she is supposed to do. It's never been more clear than in this moment now.

No one is there to help.

And her life hangs in the balance of a stupid wall.

"Castle." Castle is where she is supposed to be. Wherever he is, she should be too.

_Are those footsteps?_

_Is that his voice?_

"Castle! I'm here!"

And it all comes too close. Her heart is pounding too fast, her muscles ache too much, she can't see, feel, breathe.

And she thinks it might be over, because she can hear his voice above her and why would he be there?

Why indeed.

It is Ryan who saves her life.

..:::..

The blood is still rushing in her ears when they get back to the 12th. She can barely hear, let alone communicate with her Captain.

The yelling is over almost as soon as it starts and she looks up to see Gates gazing at her expectantly.

Esposito is silent, his gun and badge on the table.

Oh.

_Oh._

And the reality settles around her as her hearing comes roaring back.

This is it. This is her crossroad moment.

She pulls the gun from the holster, already accepting that it's not hers anymore. The sunlight filtering through the windows is being swallowed whole by the looming storm, but the warmth that radiates onto her skin lifts away her doubts.

She can't keep living like this.

If she could take one souvenir from this life, it'd be her badge. It's been her shield of protection from the second she joined the force. It's been her safety blanket.

She throws it down.

Time to be a big girl.

"Keep it." And she's more than proud that her voice sounds steady, "I resign."

..:::..

She gets the feeling, as she finds her way to the elevator, that something is not quite right in the world tonight. She clutches her belongings tightly to her and tries to catch a last glimpse of what she has considered home for the better part of a decade.

Esposito, loyal Esposito, is making his way out of the tangled web of the precinct and she can see he is mad.

Mad at her for asking him to abandon the rules on this case? No.

He's mad at Ryan. His friend, his partner, his brother.

Ryan who saved her life.

She hangs her head as she sees the pain and hurt ripple between the two.

And the elevator doors close.

By the time they open again at the parking lot, she can hear thunder rumbling overhead and everything else seems so much further away.

Maybe this will all be okay.

..:::..

She's freezing cold and soaking wet. But it's so easy to sit there. It's so easy to swing.

She remembers every moment she has shared with Castle; every touch, every secret glimpse, every word, kiss, pain.

She remembers.

And sitting there, clinging to that swing set, she lets herself remember. She lets the thoughts wash over her, she lets them seep into her very being.

The rain crashing down on her is nothing. The bruises she can feel all over her body, they're nothing.

The only thing that carries weight with her right now, the only thing that is drawing her attention, is sitting about two miles away in his warm, dry, empty loft.

She wants Castle.

And that's it.

..:::..

She doesn't expect him to open the door. He had ignored her call.

She doesn't blame him.

But he stands there with the door wide open. Something unreadable in his eyes.

"Beckett, what do you want?"

He's hurt, he's bitter, he's lost.

And she wants him to be found, she doesn't want this pain for him anymore.

So she speaks honestly for the first time in a long time.

"You."

And suddenly she needs him to understand. Suddenly her fingertips are at his neck pulling him in and _oh_, it's better than she remembers.

And she just wants more.

"I'm so sorry, Castle. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

But he wants answers.

"He got away, and I didn't care."

"I almost died, and all I could think about was you."

Her eyes dart across his face, looking, hoping for some glimmer of acknowledgement.

"I just want you."

And he sees it then, he sees her wall tumbling to the ground. He sees the open doorway behind them and knows she has stepped through to his side for good.

And it's suddenly all too much that the door is still open. Because as long as it is, she could slip away.

And so when she reaches forward, when her fingertips graze his lips, he breaks, pushing her up against that last barrier, making her his.

It's how it always should have been between them. It's hot and soft and intense and perfect. His lips on her pulse, her hands finally able to run rampant across his back.

It's searing.

It's passionate.

It's their always.

She presses his hand into her exposed scar, she wants to share it with him, she wants him to know what this part of her feels like. She wants him to understand why it's taken so long. For a year it was a hole in her chest, for a year it was the holder of a secret too big for her to understand, too big to face. But now her scar is just puckered skin. Part of her intricate tale, but just skin.

And she wants more.

She takes his hand and he grips hers. They don't need words.

She smiles, and he follows.

She's exactly where she needs to be.

..:::..

**I can't guarantee it, but I hear you get smooches from Castle if you review ;) (I don't usually ask, but any excuse to talk about 'Always' some more will do. Hehe)**


End file.
